as M encouraged me today with not striving in our own humans solutions and relishing the beauty of letting go, it does slightly reduces the temptation of handling it my own way... and yet it still itches. seems that is the common enlightenment i have been encountering and should be applying to all the cross junctions i am currently experiencing, but the flesh is indeed weak to follow through. i am definitely aware of self solving equating to self maintenance, and that does not help what is already battling internally.
"we thought we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong." (bono)
perhaps the comfort of knowing what to do and where to go is usually the case for such situations has pushed for another period of stretching. i honestly think the statement of "holding it with a loose hand" is absolute bullsh*t, especially for us females no matter how strong our character may be. am going to do what is best for me despite dwelling in my unwillingness. here's to taking a deep breath, shaking whatever battles consuming my heart's vacancy, and loosening the grip on my own quick fixes. freedom says hello.
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