{ It's just so hard... But I gosta }

even with a packed out schedule and a dedicated attempt to move forward, my surroundings still creeps up with past experiences and photographic memories of another. yes, you. you who sadly misunderstood my genuine and weighty liking for you with my erratic actions and other reasons you got suppressing under there. your niceness was always deeply treasured despite not being very vocal about it according to your expectations. though this was brief, the aftermath is rather brutal. my mind is constantly on replay mode at random times of the day, refusing to leave while i desperately try to ignore it.



it is unpleasantly stinging feeling of nostalgic and hurt at the same time, wondering if everything was pure fiction. i blame myself for foolishly opening my heart and having it ruptured and abandoned despite all warnings. this soreness is too overwhelming and damaging to handle. however, it has enhanced my valuation for all the constant unconditional love and care from the ones who has faithfully been here; knowing and valuing me for me. these tears will eventually dry on their own, so i am gently taking this recovery and inner strengthening one moment at a time.