When it comes to men, we have a tendency to overthink, analyze and berate ourselves until we’re left with nothing but broken hearts and a closet full of “mistakes” we wish could take back.
We look at our relationships as ships that only we could crash, forcing ourselves to sink along with them. We wish that we could do it all over again and take back everything that drove him away or made him love us less.
We think of all the things we’d do differently. We’d call him less, look through his phone more, stop looking at his phone, play hard to get, play a little easier to get, and the list goes on.
I have a problem with this. I have a problem because after years of punishing myself over failed relationships and long, single statuses, I’ve realized that maybe our biggest mistake is thinking that we’re making any at all.
Why do we give ourselves the short end of the stick all the time? Why do we take the blame for the way he acted or the reason he left? Why do we only see our own failures and mistakes when clearly the problem is his. I’m tired of women thinking that they are the ones always doing something wrong.
I’m tired of women thinking they need to change to be with a man or that a man is a necessary goal for their happiness. We’ve come too far and done too much to keep believing that we are making the mistakes.
So for women everywhere who are crying over, for or under a man, here are the 12 real mistakes you need to stop making, beginning with thinking that you even need one..
Thinking You Need A Man To Be Happy
You do not need a man. You do not need anyone. Everyone else is just distracting you from getting to know yourself. Men come and go, and maybe one day you will find the right one and settle down, but until then, stop trying to complete your life with anyone but yourself.
Caring About How You Look
You don’t have to be beautiful for anyone. You don’t owe your looks to men. You don’t owe them big boobs or soft skin. You don’t owe them long legs and silky hair. You don’t owe them skinny torsos and painted toenails. They may ask for it, but that doesn’t mean they have a right to it.
Saying Sorry
You haven’t done anything wrong. (Unless you have.) They are not your captors and you are not there to apologize to them. Don’t apologize because your hair is short or your sweater is baggy.
Don’t apologize because you have your period or you don’t want to sleep with them. Don’t apologize because you can’t meet their demands or their requests. You are a woman who needs no apologies.
Worrying About Someone’s Needs Over Your Own
Stop trying to make men happy. You are supposed to take care of yourself and worry about your own needs first. Don’t do things for him just because it will make him happy. Don’t value yourself as nothing more than a slave to his demands. Remember, your needs are just as important as are his.
Putting Your Worth In Him
Your worth is not determined by any man. You don’t need a man to be happy nor should you judge yourself on the opinion of one.
There’s no reason to think that just because you are single that you are worth less than if you were attached. You are strong and independent, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Wanting More Than He Can Give
Stop looking for a boyfriend in a boy who doesn’t want to be associated with the word. If you know he can’t give you what you want then move on or accept that. Stop trying to turn him into something he doesn’t want to be, because in the end, you will be the only one who ends up changing.
Missing Him
Mourning a man is as stupid as crying over milk that hasn’t even spilled yet, a waste of time and only creating more troubles for yourself.
Lamenting over men who will never love you or men you can’t be with will only keep you from meeting the ones who can. Don’t give them your tears, because even tears are worth something.
Giving Him All Your Time
Don’t be that girl who forgets about everyone who was there for her before he came into the picture. Don’t let a man take you away from everything you once knew and loved. Because before him, these things were important to you. Don’t give him everything just because he may feel like yours right now.
Chasing Him
A strong woman chases no one. If he is worth your time and your love, he will figure it out on his own. Don’t let him think that he’s worth the chase, because the more he runs, the further behind you get.
Believing Him
Just because a man says that you’re beautiful doesn’t mean he’ll treat you that way. Men have a tendency to talk out of their asses and putting any worth in what they say is as futile as wishing on pennies.
Men know what will make you happy, but many times they are able to trick you with just the promise of it. Expect nothing from them and you will never end up disappointed.
Giving Him Power
Men often may be physically stronger than you, but that means nothing. Do not make them feel like they could ever own you, because no mind nor soul can be dominated by pure strength. Do not become objects to men that they can just buy and sell.
Do not fight against other women for their attention. Do not give them anything more than the same respect you give your sisters.
Regretting Him
Regretting men you’ve been with is as fruitless as crying over them. If you did something you didn’t want to do, gave your power away to someone who didn’t deserve it or belittled yourself for his benefit, learn from it. Remember those feelings so you will never do anything to feel that way again.
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