{ Only Him who understands.. Pt.1 }

we can try our best in understanding any situation in our perspective and still not quite get it. one may be terribly and horribly misunderstood or worse yet, hurt in the process of mouthing our very own point of view without a careful mind of thought.

aren't we blessed that G. does not see how man sees?

anything eye level tends to be the very first to be spotted at (and blindly deemed the most obvious) rather than the deeper root of what is the core matter of the very heart. and this takes wisdom, time and discernment, crazy loads of it.

if we get surfaced about everything, nothing gets solved but rather every normality reply to questions are viewed out like it came from an instruction book or manual.

honestly, there was never a need to think of a change, and now it scarily morphs into a thought after much was said.

all i can say is, it is truly Him who understands.

[TBC..]

{ Toss or Take? Pt. 1 }

taking this week before morphing into another era of a quarter of a century to the thirties, (or another box after 18-24), to do some massive cleaning out. and it does not only mean physically like my organized mess of a closet, but also re-prioritizing my life and whatever, and whoever that is in it.

truly, it covers all areas and it is time to do a serious "toss" or "take". even down to personal characteristics and habits that one may tend to hold on because of comfortability sake. now is the moment to toss all toxic and take all that is edifying for yet another exciting journey.

before i can be even able to begin and ready myself for renewal with the task of spring cleaning, first thing is first,

pray.

"God, You teach me and show me what to toss or take in my life. Let Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Amen."

{ Re-valuing* and not De-valuing.. }

everyone has insecurities, no?

i ever wonder if God has created me "normal", because at times my ears cannot phantom the ridiculous things that come out from my mind and straight out of my mouth. oh the word vomit.

truly admire those women who carries themselves in true femininity and pose in a gentler and ladylike projection of their character in all sorts of situation. and why not me? hahaha.

this issue or insecurity to whatever you will call it, has been doing my absolute head in. it is not a crazy form of comparison like some girls will go the extend to, nor it is jealousy which gives out snarky remarks.

all i can say is that maybe i should start appreciating who G. has made me to be, as well as acting with much wisdom without trying too hard? and also having my craziness well over controlled rather than all over like most of the uncalled times.

quite honestly, what you see is what you get (and more perhaps?) -- independent (emotionally wise), un-barbie like, non-flirtatious, naturally very loud, sarcastic, jokes, pokes, sassy, a wee bit prideful with a "i can handle myself" exterior and hmm.. the rest i shan't let out else my heart is literally served on a platter.

yes, a tad insecured much?

as much as we say we do not mind to be alone, (and trust me, i am one who really needs my space!), being alone alone is the one status that we cannot bear to live for that long, even with much pride. guess a wee bit is just two words that tones down what it actually is.

the way men sees, is mainly on the exterior, and that point of view does not last. we are so called human after all with the default of not always having that "anointing" on.

it is time, to put back or truly embrace the value that He has already seen and inputed in us right from the day He formed our very beings. no more de-valuing but re-valuing.

we're not talking about the value people see in us (cause with that, it does fluctuate). it is the God value that the ultimate creator of the heavens and the earth was willing to even send His only Son to die for us.

One's death, for all's worth.

[TBC..]

{ Freedom*, is here! }

when DZ's back agains in singas, its always a joy and privilege to worship under her God given anointing. it is so effortless with a heart changing impact because she is one wog (Woman of God) that carries out His presence where there is freedom to dance and sing in His house!

oh such joy when you are up the front, gracing the stage with her and her hills crew. the strings and drums were rhythmically mad -- heard the orlando mix johnny looking bloke broke one of the metal symbols with his wooden sticks. now thats pros!

with God flowing in every single one of the notes sung and praise filling up the spaces with His spirit, there was a drastic shift in the atmosphere! our mouths, soul and body were just broken free from the mind set of men's expectations, and now transformed in our true form of worshiping God.

there was absolute liberation and heaven was being pulled down, sweeping everyone of us worshippers deeper into His courts and coming humbly into His throne being just as He made as to be.

oh how He loves us.

{ Dreamy white spaces.. }

space is a luxury which i am desperately craving for.. away from the usual "going ons" that i have to face up every single day. how i yearn for a place of my own where there are self controlled noise and movements; everything from the music and what nots are set in my own tempo and rhythm instead of anyone's own.

yes it screams a whole lot of selfish desires and centeredness but i want a nest of my own.. having the only person to deal with is yourself. how is that pleasant, rather than having the consideration and voice of others beating at your ear drums.

the only form of ear plugs now comes in a form of an apartment: in a victorian white mod furnish with soft jazz tunes playing up in the background, while i laze in a comfy white couch accompanied with a glass of mad fish and feebs warmth at my feet.

dream a little dream..

{ Sold out for Your calling.. }

Go by Hillsong United

Be willing to give it all to go His way..
Be sold out for His calling..
Be living a life for His glory..

-----

With all our earthly desires, even the ones we may think they are Godly and from You, take it all now. Have it Your way because in the end, we are forever Yours and that is the only thing that gives us a purpose of living and making a difference in Your name.

Since when did we live for ourselves if You are already living Yours through ours?

[ TBC.. ]

{ Faithful* through the seasons.. }

for He has brought us thus far, He will continue to see forth this journey through the different stages of our lifes.

while i was standing at the end of the ale with C, we were blown away from the view of D walking down the hand in hand with her father practicing the bridal entrance and hand over to A, the blessed groom.

it was just surreal as He was truly faithful from the time we all knew each other being the young punks as we were, till now. what an upgrade of maturity, careers and relationships we have all conquered and still are.

instead of grades we were use to be mindful about,  we are all in the season of finding security in the marketplace and building our own family with younglings on the way or aspiring for another one.

God is behind every growth and increase which we utterly give Him all the glory for. that is truly "our God and King, until the end.." (Until The End by NCC).

and, He's not done yet.. watch this space.

{ Christ occupied.. }

the more we tend to focus on ourselves, we lack in the awareness of being utterly and soley dependent on the One who has already given it all. our beings are self occupied instead of Christ occupied which the more we try, the more we fail because it is the carnal and flesh that we put our confidence on.

even if we put our mind on the good things and making effort in looking and being the best, we fool ourselves thinking we can pull it off all by the facade of impressing others of our God given abilities or skills that we master.

the food for thought today was that self effort is doomed to explode because it is base on the climate of the situation where as a God effort leads to only good success because it stands firmly on what He says.

the moment we say we cannot, we humble ourselves being the best candidates for His grace as Jesus did not die for perfect people. it is His unmerited, undeserved and unstoppable favor that protects us, and this inc. our mistakes which He still prospers.

so, how can we ever lose?

{ Find rest my soul.. }

Still by Hillsong

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
Within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

-----

Psalms 46 (Amp)

GOD IS our Refuge and Strength [mighty and impenetrable to temptation], a very present and well-proved help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains be shaken into the midst of the seas,

Though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling and tumult. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the Most High.

God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her right early [at the dawn of the morning].

The nations raged, the kingdoms tottered and were moved; He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our Refuge (our Fortress and High Tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

Come, behold the works of the Lord, Who has wrought desolations and wonders in the earth.

He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow into pieces and snaps the spear in two; He burns the chariots in the fire.

Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!

The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our Refuge (our High Tower and Stronghold). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

{ Time to Re-Prioritize.. Pt. One }

with so much going on, i prefer to be a homebody; away from the world and its craziness of eat outs, crowded malls and weddings to dress up to.

honestly, give me books, piano, music, a tad of housework (if i feel cinderella-ish) but loads of fam time (mostly all beckah time) and i would be an absolute happy camper with such simple joy to be satisfied with.

after a week of so many events, and the following will be yet another big one (faints), think some quiet can whiten the noise and do my deafen self good.

only familee, ministry and work is what i am currently focusing on at this period of my life. taking a break on the others which does broaden a perceptive (and not escape) of whether it is beneficial and edifying.

was feeding on one of BJ's sermon while i was on all time spiritual low and he did mention that busyness in the world's perspective concur a "i have everything going on for me" type of status, where as in true reality it is purely just self awareness depleting our God awareness.

it is time, to action on a full three hundred and sixty five degree turn and re-prioritize*. 

-----

*to arrange things in a new order of importance; to prioritize again
*to arrange, organize, and deal (items to be attended to) in order of their relative importance
*to give a high priority to or establish as a priority

ref: wordnik and dictionary

{ Forever Reign.. }

for the past months and especially this one, i have been in a mode where all else keeps coming at me at full speed. and each time it does, i immediately retreat to Him and things would stabilize. or so should i think because it does not last long till the bumpy ride begins again.

the pause button seem to be held in a minimal, and in two days time at the most, the hectic and madness would play itself over again affecting every bit of my state possible. up and down it goes, and the repeat of always going to Him about the same issue is getting rather redundantly burdensome.

and because relationships mean so much to me, it spills throughout my whole area of life and now i find myself to not want to be apart of my constant ever growing circle that also seems to be joint to each other in somehow or way. it is like, is there any possible form of escape or space?

dealing with the character of others does take more than grace to attempt to understand their actions and motives which one may not be entirely agree to. you think you have done enough, or actually beyond what your emotions and heart can take on, and yet it blows up in heat and hatred -- harsh but true in that very moment itself.

but seriously, does one really take into consideration of the other person all the time? even most can be rather taxing on the heart and if so, what about all the time? the world always goes to fend for ourselves and yet He turned around and fended for each and every 6.5 billon of us. 

for what i am experiencing right now, i would say He is definitely working on something; something that in the first time of my life brings me to the end and lowest of my very self, and not even my God given abilities can pull me through this.

every single area of my life seems to be targeted at some point of level, and that level is the is one to do with relationships. since some of it does hold a long term effect of my heart, be it in relationships with family, church, work and others, my spirit gets so low that the attacks are one unbearable.

quite honestly, if it had not been Him and the journey that He took me for 24 years, and soon to be 25 in less than a month, i would not be at my post right now. yes the storms and waves are crashing in, but He has been rising up in every single one of those and will definitely continue to do so. 

He always prepares us for every single situation that hits us so that when we fall, we get back up quicker and with a better and stronger armor and weaponry for the next. have realized that since last year which is never too late.

so this time round, i would say is by far the most chastening i am experiencing and it takes more than a big lump of dosage of the same old routine to get me back up. everything that i learnt and have worked previously is out of the door because He is not a man with routine and methods of doing things.

it goes above the typical saying of letting go and letting God. no seriously, is like He is stretching myself and my limits on how far i can go and take it on spiritually and physically and all i can say is, the reason i am still living and breathing is all Him.

He is the very reason of my little existence on this earth. i am tired of doing, pleasing and putting my confidence on man, both the world and even among my closet circle. it is time to make another paradigm shift not just into a whole other level but dimension of what my walk with Him is all about. and, He will be solely the One responsible for all of its goodness.

i am dying to myself and my carnal desires (even they may seem good or "Godly") and living in the presence, being and glory of His likeness. nothing and i mean nothing is going to hold me down any longer. He is builder and up-grader of all things which means victory is always on our side.

we have the upper hand because with God, it is beyond possible in everything that we set our mind, eyes, ears, mouth and heart upon. there shall be no more striving, stress, worries, anxiety, hatred, disappointment, hurt, pain, tears, lack, lies, condemnation and attacks because He took all that with Him at the cross, and destroyed its very existence with His blood. 

now i am living not in the aftermath of what adam has done, but in the aftermath of what Christ has done. this is truly a life made for kingdom days. am not going to look here or there, because the kingdom (realm and reign) which is inside of Him is also and already in my midst among me, within me, inside me, surrounding me and here with me.

"Nor will people say, Look! Here [it is]! or, See, [it is] there!

For behold, the kingdom of God is within you [in your hearts],

and among you [surrounding you]."

Luke 17:21 (Amplified)

that means we were never born to settle, we were born to reign from the beginning till the end - "the reign of God is within you.." -- in these heaven on earth days, we are destined to be, forever reigning.

{ Importance of Rest*.. }

The Importance of Rest by Bill Johnson

A heart of #rest..

-----

" I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.
My body rests in safety.
For You will not leave my soul among the dead,
or allow your holy one to rot in the grave. "

Psalm 16:8-10 (NLT)

-----

" Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly He is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. "

Psalm 62:1-2 (NIV)

-----

" Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High,
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD,
“He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely He will save you from the fowler’s snare,
and from the deadly pestilence. "

Psalm 91:1-3 (NIV)

-----

This is what the LORD says:
“Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls."

Jeremiah 6:15-17 (NIV)

-----

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?

Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life.
I'll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Matthew 11:29 (MSG)

{ True love said the loudest, without words.. }

What Are Words by Chris Medina

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

-----

True love said the loudest without words..

Just like He did 2000 years ago..
He didn't just said "I Love you"..
Love gave His life for all 6.5 billion one of us..

And now He can say..

"And I'm gonna be by your side..
I would never leave when you need me most.."

God's words comes does not only come by Him meaning it,
but also by Him showing it.

Oh His love will never fail.

-----

PS: Good on ya Chris, you are her miracle.

{ Familee, my constant safe haven.. }

when things out there are not as stable as we are normally use to, and this inc. all of our circles, there is one place where you can rest secured in and that's,

familee.

not only they are our constant safe haven, but the very ones whom God has gracefully placed us in with a strong bonding and relationship, has already accepted us unconditionally.

even at our darkest, they embrace us with open arms of love and grace like no other which outshines the very worse in us.

now that's love.

-------

crazy love to my God given M. and D. who hearts me unconditionally much proving that grace is not only undeserving, but grace is also beautifully amazing.

you'll never let me go.

with familee like this, how not to say i am rich?

{ Away with Jesus & His beauty.. }

"come away with Me.."

when you start to look at the world and all it's ugliness, there is nothing far better to be away from it. who wants to camp in constant strive and burden?

now all these that surrounds are starting to become shadows in His light.. just going to camp and soak here for awhile..

how not have my eyes and heart turned to Him?