//F (ather) A (nd) M (other) I L (ove) Y (ou) ..

You know what NAUSEATES me? The fact that at times (the number won’t be mentioned), I treat my family (mainly my Dad) like absolute crap and others (who don’t show me the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE like what my parents and siblings do) like royalty. Now that’s MESSED UP! To the MAX I might add!


Like SERIOUSLY, does the saying "blood is thicker than water" apply in my life? Yes, I do LOVE, CHERISH and HONOUR my folks, but sometimes or all times, actions do speak LOUDER than words.
I don’t think talking back, bickering which amounts to screaming and hollering, using and saying unwanted phrases or words out of anger and even vulgarity (I know I know, there’s no sign of respect there) shows anything of LOVE, CHERISH and HONOUR towards my love ones > ___ , <

THEN WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE THE TENDANCY OF DOING IT?
The worst part of it all, is picking yourself up with the AFTERMATH of a super nasty fight. With the guilt that PLAGUES you and the “ Damnit, why did I say that or do that? ”, makes it all the better to plot up an APOLOGY which the other party (mainly my Dad & Mum and silblings on a lesser note) by now has experienced it like what, a MILLION times already?

With all said and done, I know one thing; it’s NEVER too late to change. Though I’m reaching the point of my woman-hood (don’t laugh), and still behave and think like a 7yr old (what, barbies are cool okay? *pouts and crosses arms*), it’s about time to do someGROWING UP!

Special note to family*
Thank you for taking all my nonsensical crap DAD, MUM, DAD, MIKE, DAD, BEN, DAD, SAM, and oh yar, DAD! I’m extremely BLESSEDwith parents and siblings who DOTE on me so much and OVER-LOOKING my countless amount of flaws and scars that I've left behind. ITHANK the Lord for you guys! 
MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH LOVE.

XOXOXOXOXO

//He takes me back always..

Even when the fight is over now.. And even when the pain is coming through! Always ALWAYS! He'll be there standing and smiling at my disappointed face with his arms open wide, even when I've done things that are displeasing in his eyes. No matter the severity of the matter, He'll invariably welcome me back without any exceptions.

The fact is that I've taken this for granted many MANY times. Which would lead to a buildup of self condemnation and a disgusting sense of infirmity plauging my emotions and endless trail of thoughts. The only way to stablize this so called "disease" would be talking to Him. It's as simple as that, SERIOUSLY!

Just embracing in His presence when I'm alone in my bedroom really brings me a sense of Joy and Peace. Though I'm talking to the ceiling or wall, I somehow know that He's listening and replying back in His own way. So basically I'm having a 2-way convo with a person i can't see face to face, but can DEFINITELY feel heart to heart!

So peoples, whenever you're feeling sad and low.. Just open your mouth and spill EVERYTHING to him! The gift of tongues is also very useful, as it also brings you to another level.. A more intimate and experience of the innermost!

//The time has come, and it's just the beginning..

The Lord truly makes ALL things beautiful IN HIS TIME! No matter how hard we attempt to achieve what we want like rushing, over planning, enforcing the matter(s), it can never turn out the way He planned already.

I'm rejoycing because THE TIME HAS COME! He has answered my prayers of..

i) Finding a PR Company

: I have found my internship and has already started!

ii) A Cell Group

: I have FINALLY joined a cell group from New Cre!

The rest of my prayers are still pending but IN HIS TIME, it will reveal itself and come to life not because I deserve it,

but because HE L.O.V.E.S ME.

xx

//Launching into the deep..

and letting down my NETS for a CATCH! Yesh, I stole that from the good old book of Luke! But the actual reference would be:

Luke 5:44

"When He had stopped speaking, He said to Simon, “Launch out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch."

So what does this verse mean? Well first of all, it means a lot to me as it applies to my life right now! And second of all, it means that God is going to BLESS me BIG BIG TIME! So why wait?

That's why I'm launching into the deep (Aka: Going into the unkown and doing something that I've never dreamt of or thought I would actually do it) and letting down my nets for a catch! (Aka: Getting hold of the PLENTIFUL ABUNDANCE and OVER-FLOWING BLESSING!

I was once scared, but now I'm FREE! FREE from the dependence of holding on to people and not going out by myself! Free from the 'shoulda woulda coulda' syndrome and of course, the buts! FREE from the fear of what is going to happen and lastly, FREE from my own self inflicted emotions that are the source of my worries and fear of trying out new things and going beyond the things that I would normally do!

Mann, the Lord is truly so SO good to us! Really! He has seen us through everything, the good AND the bad! Mountain or no mountain, valley or no valley, we should STILL praise him no matter the situation! Because HE'S the GOD that is ABOVE ALL powers, ALLnature, ALL created things, ALL wisdom of men, ALL kingdoms, thrones, and ALL wealth and treasures of the earth!

" Like a rose.. Trampled on the ground.. You took the fall.. And thought of me.. Above all! "

Thank you Yeshua – It is done.

;; I know you L.O.V.E me!

*Exam Fever*

//Procrastinating Syndrome.


Basically, I'm just hoping and wishing that this week would be more productive compared to last week (Where i just lazed around doing shit all, Went out 24'7 and Didnt even bother to sort out my uni files, Open my darn text books and Start i dont know.. NERDING?

Not only that, I'll have to sort out my Business Stats from last summer before the term starts (to see if they would let me off and give me my conceded pass - amen amen), Find a PR consultancy job after the exams (Don't know where to start or Any companies in mind) and Get back my unpaid salary from last yr Sept.  
Can't you sort out the pattern of delaying everything? 

*Let out a big sigh* 

Also lately, I've been feeling REALLY EMPTY inside. Something is REALLY MISSING. Like where's the JOY, where's the FIRE and where's the LOVE for the lord that i use to have? I have to really come to point, where i CAN'T BE STUFFED with ANYTHING.  

Going to church, attending a cell group, serving in the ministy - ALL that, I YEARN for it SO BADLY, Yet I just let time do its chore, and pass by without anything being done. 

*Letting out another sigh* 

With this, I tried to find "joy" at other places or beings but that doesn't even reach the surface or give me a TRUE SENSE of what joy really is.

All I can say is this:
" Lord, I'm crying out to you right now. In times like this, your the only one and truly the only one that could give me the true shalom, love and joy that I'm yearning for! "

//tc&godbless ; much <3

Let It Fade..

This song is exactly what I'm going through at this very moment.. was just gripping on the lyrics and wow, t'was spot on! 

Just so sick of my old life, habits, activities.. they are so meaningless to me now. i want something more in my life.. the yearning for this is just creeping me inside.. when will this end? when will i finally see the light.. the B R E A K T H R O U G H ?

Or what my dad said, a para dime shift? (which i've already asked for) Wells, if the God of the Breakthrough is gonna visit ma hs, (which is very soon) then i should just be patient and praise Him. Praise Him for the plentiful things He has done - Only by Grace babyy.. Only by G R A C E!

FYI* - it's from Jeremy Camp's new album - Beyond Measure 

Anyways, here's the lyrics - Enjoy :)
'Let It Fade'By: Jeremy Camp

Have you been walking on a silence that's uncertain?Have you helped yourself in eveything that's empty?You can't live this way to long.There's more than this, more than this.Have you been standing on your own feet too long?Have you been looking for a place where you belong?You can rest, You will find rest.

Let this old life crumble, Let it fade.Let this new life offered by your saving grace.Let this old life curmble, Let it fade,Let it fade.

Have you been holding to what this world has offered?Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?It will be gone, It will be gone.Are you carrying the weight too much,Are you running from the call?

'The God of the Breakthrough is gonna visit my house'

Yep, those words are from Jerry.S - His message was what i craved and longed for during this period of my life, where i was (keyword) lost but now i'm F O U N D!

It seems that we may go back to God if we need something, (as i do now) but the D E S I R E is more important! I'm on a pathway of knowing Him intimately, at a much more deeper level then before - The journey has only begun and it will not end till He comes!

With my exams nx wk, and my uncoped schedule of "nerding" (signs of pure laziness and disorganization), i'm pretty much totally screwed at this point! No like, SERIOUSLY!So without Him and His favor, i really don't know what to do =S I'm nothing without Him! My human strength and knowledge is nothing compared to His wisdom!
There's really no need to wait for the breakthroughs and miracles to happen in order to P R A I S E Him! We can do it now, so.. 

" Thank you JESSSUUUS! Your the name above all names! G., Your my everything, the beginning and the end, my rock of salvation! You have turned my mourning into D A N C I N G, my sorrow into J O Y! I'm rejoycing because You have saved me again and AGAIN! I'm eternally grateful for your unconditional lurp and undeserved, unearned and unmerited favor!

Much lurp to you G.
Highly favored and Deeply loved; back2U~*

Drama, Drama, DRAMA!

Yesh it was a dramatized wk alriite.. hahaha.. thank the lord its over! - [breathes out] 
Can't wait for this wkend, we girlies are dressing up! i heart costumes! Hmm, decisions decisions! a nurse outfit is cute.. but i like the playboy bunnies thou - But i ain't going too skanky.. guess sat is the ONLY time that girls can dress up in lingeries and not called a ####, HA.


All i wanna say is that no matter what, the good, the nasty, the down right durtty, the sinful doings, wells not that bad but yeh whatever.. I've always got the big man up there watching me and taking care of me! 

Obviously theres a guilt trip.. the path I'm taking up right now ain't the one that he wants, but one day (which i soon i hope) I will get off that path and get found by him since I'm kinda lost at the moment..

Even when theres a couple of bad situations I'm in right now, or bad crap that creeps up.. all i know is that I've got Him.. His love.. His voice.. His hands - no one can give me that!; G., thanx (=